About a month ago a cloud formed over Ann Arbor, Michigan, a big, fluffy cumulonimbus stuffed with accusations and drama that has dominated college football’s atmosphere ever since.
This cloud is the puffy, billowy kind, so if you stare at it long enough a familiar shape starts to emerge, even if you’re sober. And by now many observers of this cloud over Michigan are feeling certain about what they are seeing.
Some see a cute teddy bear that’s been wrongly accused of outlandish crimes by jealous haters; others see an evil cheating witch. Although the observers don’t agree on what they’re seeing they all have strong opinions about it, taking turns pointing at shapes and formations to convince the other guys that they’re right. Look, that’s a broom, right next to her belt buckle! No you idiot, that’s the bear’s ear!
As additional facts in the Michigan scandal are made public, the cloud shifts and puffs a bit, and each observer folds the new shapes into the image he’s already decided he’s seeing.
For example, earlier this week Coach Jim Harbaugh accepted his three game suspension in exchange for the Big Ten wrapping up its investigation. Harbaugh critics interpreted this as an acknowledgment of guilt; his supporters called it a smart decision to end the distractions.
And when Michigan mysteriously fired its linebackers coach on Friday, it was either a clear sign that some very bad things had happened, or evidence that Michigan is committed to cleaning things up.
If you are hoping for a particular result while the facts are still being gathered, you’re doing a great job as a fan but a terrible job as a judge. You aren’t searching for truth, you’re selecting a desired result and backfilling facts to justify it.
And that’s OK. This is college football, not a murder trial.
We are fans. It’s literally our jobs to be biased.
College football is our favorite reality TV show, and for many of us, part of the thrill is rooting against our chosen villains and enjoying some occasional chaos. It’s mostly harmless fun.
I fully recognize that I’m not immune to this. In the early days of the “Dear Faux” column that I wrote for The Athletic, I answered a reader’s question about Jim Harbaugh:
Dear Faux Pelini,
I’m completely baffled by the Jim Harbaugh phenomenon. Is he a coach, is he an entertainer, what?
Kevin B.
Dear Kevin,
It is perfectly natural to dislike Jim Harbaugh because there are many things to dislike about Jim Harbaugh. It is not completely his fault, however.
Jim Harbaugh suffers from what social scientists refer to as “RJF” (Resting Jerk Face), a troubling condition where a person’s facial features are aligned to project maniacal aloofness. Many college football coaches are afflicted with RJF, but Harbaugh’s case is one of the most serious ever diagnosed.
When a person with RJF does something slightly annoying, like shaking hands overly aggressively or tweeting inspirational words, it will be perceived as extremely offensive by most of us. This is especially true of Jim Harbaugh: If you don’t like Michigan, then you will hate almost everything Jim Harbaugh does.
But Jim Harbaugh does not care about this because he did what all coaches need to do: He learned what his Real Job is and he does it very well.
The task of Michigan’s football coach is to win football games, but his Real Job is to make Michigan fans and alumni proud of Michigan. When Harbaugh points and struts and yells and does other alpha male Michigan Man things while winning football games, he makes Michigan people want to talk about Michigan. He makes them feel proud of Michigan again. And he has succeeded at his Real Job.
Jim Harbaugh does not exist for you and me because we do not care about Michigan. Yet we must feel the effects of his RJF until he stops doing his Real Job. Which cannot come soon enough.
Looking back on it now, I don’t think I was fair to Harbaugh when I wrote that reply in 2017. I was trying to give my new readers (and my boss, Stewart Mandel) a chuckle, so I was probably a bit over the top. But I really did find Harbaugh to be one of those guys with a punchable face, a guy who sends weird tweets (I know, I know) and delivers oddly aggressive handshakes.
But over the years, for reasons I can’t fully explain, Harbaugh has grown on me. Call it the “Lane Kiffin Effect,” I guess.
Today I acknowledge that Jim Harbaugh is certainly a good football coach and probably a fine person. But in my 2017 college football movie I had chosen him as one of the bad guys. It was fun to root against him.
When clouds settle overhead and threaten something that’s important to us, we often see what we want to see. It’s painful to admit fault, so we cobble together evidence that we didn’t do anything wrong. On the other hand it’s validating to see our villains punished, so when one of them is put on trial we rush to judgment.
If you want to see Michigan and Harbaugh suffer because you have chosen them as villains, then due process is not your friend. You want to see bad things happen to the Wolverines, and soon.
On the other hand, if you’re a Michigan Man or Woman, you’ve decided that the world wants to see the Wolverines suffer, that it’s Michigan vs. Everyone, that Michigan is innocent (even though not all the facts have been uncovered).
Both of these factions are wrong, and both are right.
Due process does not necessarily mean long process. The facts on the ground here don’t seem wildly complicated; if everyone cooperates we should be able to figure out exactly what happened by early December. That would leave plenty of time to impose the right penalty, whether it’s a postseason ban, nothing at all or something in between.
There are grown ups who have access to the entire cloud over Ann Arbor, even the parts that you cannot (or will not) see. They are examining the while thing from all angles and they will render a decision about what that cloud is really about.
If you like their decision, you will boast and celebrate. If you don’t, you’ll reject it and claim the system is broken.
Either way, you will be doing your job as a fan. You’re biased, and that’s OK.
Meanwhile, the rest of us will wait on the sidelines with our shared belief that Michigan should get what it deserves. Nothing more, nothing less.
A nugget of your previous wisdom that I appreciated was realizing that it’s not “just a game”...I get to decide what’s important to me. And now more wisdom when my team is the lead in a soap opera...I’m a fan so I’m allowed to be biased and hold the more flattering perspective
Nailed it with "College football is our favorite reality TV show,"